Funny Things to Say on Facebook

This article lists out some funny sentences and status updates that you can use on your Facebook account. You are free to use them as and when you like.
Facebook is an immensely popular social networking platform, and if you happen to be a member, you will come across some extremely funny lines and ideas on Facebook on a day-to-day basis. People really let loose when it comes to their status messages, or when they have to describe themselves in the 'About Me' section, or even when they communicate with their friends and family members by writing on their wall.

Since the entire idea of Facebook is to keep in touch with people and regularly update them about the events in your life, there is certainly nothing wrong with adding more than a little share of humor to the entire procedure. The comments can be about anything and everything under the sun, and the best ones will certainly get a chuckle from all the people whose homepages will display your updates.

Funny Things to Put on Your Facebook Status

Your Facebook status is something that you can update as many times as you want, and it can reflect anything that you are going through at that moment. You can include a quote, an anecdote, an opinion, an idea, a thought or anything else imaginable. There are truly no limitations on the funny things to say on Facebook status messages, and here are some funny samples for you to choose from.
  • My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
  • ..... is proud of himself. He just finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said 2 - 4 years.
  • Be nice to the people who smoke. Every cigarette may be their last.
  • Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them to stay alive.
  • I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
  • Statistically speaking, around 165% of people exaggerate.
  • Statistically speaking, 8/6 people have trouble computing fractions.
  • Why can't chickens cross the road without their motives being questioned?
  • Not all men are fools. There are still some bachelors left.
  • Good morning... I see the assassins have failed.
  • I am amazing at remembering names. I just can't remember which one is yours.
  • If you must be taken for a ride, it may as well be in a good car.
  • Giving money and power to the Government is like giving alcohol and the car keys to teenagers.
  • .....used to be schizophrenic. But now both of us are fine.
  • .......isha vingtrou blewi thth espaceb ar.
  • Would rather check his Facebook, than face his checkbook.
  • ........is not spoiled. Is not, is not is not!!!!
  • ........is swearing to drunk that he is not God.
  • ........is making some changes to his life. Leave a message, and if I don't get back to you later, you're one of the changes.
  • Bigamy - One wife too many. Monogamy - Same thing.
  • If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
  • Why won't you understand me like my iPhone does?
  • I woke up on the wrong side of Facebook this morning.
  • Why is the newspaper far more interesting when someone else is reading it?
  • We can all keep secrets. But the people we tell are not very good at it.
  • My girlfriend must have had 61 boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty-second lover.
  • ......is rejecting your reality and replacing it with his own.
  • I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
  • If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
  • The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius!
  • It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end!
When you are coming up with hilarious one liners and entertaining anecdotes for Facebook, you should not hesitate to derive inspiration from anywhere. Portraying events satirically will definitely ensure that the humor of your Facebook status remains unadulterated.

Other Places for Funny Messages

The 'About Me' section is a favorite of many people, and this is an area where you can ramble on and on about all your likes and dislikes. Or, you can write down something totally crazy and funny too over here. Either way, not many people are going to care. So you may as well go ahead and make it as hilarious or disgusting as possible. Not many of the people on your list will be interested in where you grew up, or what your house looked like, or when your first milk teeth broke off. So to get rid of this boredom and apathy, come up with some funny and witty ideas to write in this section.

You can also come up with some funny things to say on Facebook walls. This is something that will be visible to all friends on the list of the person, and you can really embarrass them in this manner. Be a little more cautious if you are going to use these lines in the Facebook chat feature though, and also ensure that you know the person well enough, because this is a habit that can really freak some people out.

In case the sample funny sayings included above were not enough for you, or you have heard them before, here are some more examples for you. You can use these funny lines as cool Facebook statuses, in the 'About Me' section or even in the Facebook chat window.
  • Be nice to nerds. Chances are, you will be working for them.
  • Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
  • ...... is experiencing life at the rate of several wtf's a minute.
  • My wife said I'm too immature, and if I don't grow up it is going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha ha, erect.
  • People living in stone houses, should not throw glasses.
  • ....never questions authority, he annoys authority. More effect, less effort.
  • Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
  • The trouble with suggestions is that they often come from other people.
  • Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW.
  • Today, so far you have failed to impress me. I am, however, willing to remain open-minded.
  • I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
  • The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  • War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  • I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
  • Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
  • The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
  • Everything you like is bad for you in some way.
  • Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  • He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
  • I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  • I intend to live forever - so far so good.
  • I haven't lost my mind, It's backed up on disk Somewhere.
  • I don't remember being absent-minded.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  • If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
  • My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
  • 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
  • That awkward moment when you're in a heated argument and you say, "AND ANOTHER THING" then your mind goes blank.
  • As a young child my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out the police call this 'Identity Theft'.
  • I read somewhere that when someone is about to quote a bogus fact or statistic that they preface it by saying, "I read somewhere.
  • Why do we feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking "I'm gonna ki..- ahh damn! He's under a blanket."
  • Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that's a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You're welcome.
  • There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
  • People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
So go ahead have some fun with your updates on Facebook, and change things from LOL to ROFL! Cheers.
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