Rib-tickling Text Message Jokes That Will Leave You Laughing

Text Message Jokes
Most people will surely agree that sending and receiving text jokes is the best way of having fun, when you are really bored. Although most of them are really hilarious, there are many which have a tinge of nastiness to them. Hence, make sure you send them only to people whom you are really close to, and who would be able to take them in good humor.
Techspirited Staff
Last Updated: Mar 19, 2018
In recent years, one has seen an increase in the use of cell phones among people throughout the world. While, earlier, it was just an equipment which facilitated staying in contact, today, it is also considered to be one of the best ways of keeping ourselves entertained. This is because, apart from calling people, there are various things one can do with the cell phone, including listening to music, checking mails, chatting, sending messages, etc.
The Nasty Teasers
devil and a man
~Last night some devils came running to my room. They wanted to trouble good people. I gave them your name and address, but they said, "Oh no! We can't disturb our boss."
~Handsome, sweet, intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, charming, funny ... Enough about me! How about you?
~Do you ever notice, that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an 'idiot', and everyone driving faster than you is a 'maniac'?
~I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
~The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
Criminal arrested
~I've been arrested for being the ugliest person in Britain. Can you come down to the police station, and show them that it's a mistake?
~I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.
~When I called your phone yesterday, I heard this message: "The monkey you called is busy at the moment. Please try again later".
~If you are my good friend, do two things everyday.
First, pray for me, so I can have long life.
Second, have a bath, so I'm not uncomfortable when you are around.
Girl with phone
~Hi! It's me, your phone. I just had to get out of your pocket for a second, because your body odor was killing me.
~Giraffe ready? Ready boss!
Zebra ready? Ready boss!
Wolf ready? Ready boss!
Deer ready? Ready boss!
Monkey ready? Ready boss!
Donkey ready? No boss, it's reading this sms.
~I really like u,
I want to talk to u,
I am dying to see u,
But, I can't get to u.
The stupid gatekeeper is asking me for a ticket to enter the zoo.
~Today' Ugly Best Friend's Day. We can do anything you like. After all, it is your day! What time should I stop by and pick you? I would prefer to pick you up after dark if that is alright with you.
~You don't know how precious you are to me.
When you cry, I cry
When you laugh, I laugh
When you jump out of the window,
I look down, and I'm still laughing.
The Funny Ones
Borrowing money
~Borrow money from pessimists. They don't expect it back.
~The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
~Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
~The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
~I read in the newspaper that sending text messages causes a radiation that is cancerous. That's why I have decided to stop reading newspapers.
Drinking and driving
~I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill your drink while changing gears ...
The Naughty Ones
~Why were males created before females?
Because, you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
~What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
~What do you call a woman in heaven? An angel!
A crowd of women in heaven? A host of angels!
All the women in heaven? Peace on Earth!
~It's important to find a man who has money, one who adores you, one who is great in the sack. The most important: these 3 men should never meet each other.
Shopping
~A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
~A man with six kids gets on a plane. A young lady sitting nearby asks if those are all his kids. He replies, "No ma'am, I work at the condom factory, and these are customer complaints."
~A train is about 2 crash. A frantic virgin strips off and says, "Can anyone make me feel like a woman before I die?"
A man takes off his clothes and says, "Iron these!"
~MEN-opause, MEN-strual pain, MEN-tal illness, GUY-necologist, HIS-terectomy... Ever noticed how all women's problems start with men?
For The Flirts
~I wish I was a teddy bear that lay upon your bed, so every time you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead.
~Your daddy must be a terrorist, because you are DA BOMB!
~Never make love in the garden or in the fields. Love might be blind, but your neighbors aren't!
~What is life? Life is love.
What is love? Love is kissing.
What is kissing? Come here, and I will show you.
I & U
~If I could rearrange the alphabets, I'd put I and U together.