Hilarious Facebook Statuses

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Hilarious Facebook Statuses

Want to impress your friends with some witty and hilarious Facebook status messages? Wish you had some way to get your hands on status messages that’ll make you sound intelligent? Then what are you waiting for? Read the following article for suggestions…

If you’re not on Facebook, you might as well not be living. Well, this statement isn’t something I completely agree, but it sure is the general ideology of many. Apart from the cool games to play, checking your friends’ profile pages, getting updates, etc., one of the major reasons people log into their respective accounts is because of the status messages. It’s either to see what others have written or post a witty status of their own. Now the big question remains – coming up with a unique Facebook status message. But there’s no need worry about that because we have an entire article dedicated on them. Read through the different hilarious Facebook status messages we’ve complied below.

Hilarious Quotes as Facebook Status

In order to be more creative, you can choose any of these status messages and spice them up a bit more. Include your own thoughts or witty comments in and make it your own.

2 earphones in ears = don’t talk to me. 1 earphone in ear = don’t talk to me. No earphones in ears = don’t talk to me.

Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it is for them?

I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.

To help reduce cost, this status was outsourced to India.

… slept like a baby last night…. waking up every 3 hours crying for food.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

I would rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook.

Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked, “Do you have any firearms with you?”, do not reply, “What do you need?”

I love how when my soap runs out in the shower, my shampoo magically transforms into body wash.

All work and no play, will make you a manager.

Dear Mom, I’m wearing skinny jeans. If I can’t get them off, neither can the rapist. Love, your daughter.

Behave, What you do today will be on Facebook tomorrow.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

You’re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

The kids down the street have challenged me to a water fight. I’m just updating my status whilst I wait for the kettle to boil.

Last night, I think I was hugging a guy with a beard yelling, “Dumbledore, you’re alive!” I may have been drunk or something, but can’t be sure.

I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.

You, my friend, deserve a high-five… that’s four more fingers than I normally give.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking.

Behind every successful man… there is a confused woman.

They said we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash.

Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean… against tables, chairs, walls, floors, and… not-so-pretty people!!!

… wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either the car is new or the wife is.

Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.

… now understands, the reason he can’t find his car keys is because he doesn’t have a car.

You don’t have to like me, I’m not a Facebook status!

In an interview, “I can multitask housework with Facebook!”

… is listed as in a relationship with iPad, iPhone, Apple TV, MacBook Air… are there any other Apple products left out there?

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls just make you feel like you’re in heaven!

Facebook is like prison. You sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know.

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.

… used to jog a mile everyday, then found a shortcut.

One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, “Help! Shark! Help!” I just laughed ’cause I knew that shark was not going to help him.

… must stop using Facebook as the primary communication method with girlfriend, family, professors, and friends.

We have so much in common. You want to travel, I want you to go.

New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.

Don’t pay attention to this status, I’m standing alone in public so I’m doing this to make it look like I’m busy.

If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.

-^v-^v-^v-^v-_____^v-^v-^v- For a second there, I was bored to death.

I don’t always post updates…but when I do, I prefer status stalker…stay lazy my friends.

Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.

A man asked a fairy to make him desirable and irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.

… believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.

I wonder what it’s like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like…propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA!

FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend → Approve → Write something on wall → Intro → Everyday chatting → Ask phone number → Texting → Calling → Meeting → Express love → Change relationship status → Hangout → Misunderstanding → Fights → Break up → Unfriend → Block 🙁 THE END

Log onto Facebook and write on people’s walls and they are fine with it. But if you go to their house and start writing on their walls, they totally get mad and call the cops on you! Umm, can someone please come bail me out?

These were some hilarious Facebook messages that you can use to update your profile. Hope these statues help you get a flutter of comments as well as ‘Likes’ on your profile page.

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