Funny Facebook Status Messages

Funny Facebook Status Messages

Did you know that almost 30 million Facebook users update their status messages at least once a day? These may be funny or sad. We take a look at the funny side of things.
Techspirited Staff
Last Updated: Feb 8, 2018
If you are looking for brightening up your dull day, then you have landed on the right page. These status messages have made it their responsibility to have you laughing your heart out.

Funny Status Messages

♦ "Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't."

♦ "When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?."

♦ "You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want."

♦ "I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak."

♦ "...... feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes."

♦ "......... used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything."

♦ "....... says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

♦ "......... before you use the bathroom in someone's house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!"

♦ ".......... understands that hard work pays off in future but Laziness pays off now !"

♦ "............ Is Wondering.... If Money Doesn't Grow On Trees,, Then Why Do Banks Have Branches ?

♦ "............. wanted to kill the sexiest person alive...But suicide's a crime. "

♦ "......... I'm not high maintenance. I am just a precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep."

♦ "Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant."

♦ "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

♦ "... says One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions."

♦ ".... intends to go to Heaven for the climate and to Hell for the company."

♦ "....... is shout of the hour."

♦ "....... is currently out of her mind but please feel free to leave a message."

Funny Status Messages About Women

♦ "Women: Can't live with them, can't kill them."

♦ "Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart."

♦ "I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she's been giving me lately!"

♦ "I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty-second lover."

♦ "...... always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila."

♦ "Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married."

♦ "Take your troubles like a man. Blame them on your wife."

♦ "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet."

♦ "eat eat and eat....but don't eat my brain."

♦ "...... just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last."

♦ "Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning."

♦ "All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that's their own fault."

Funny Status Messages About Men

♦ "...makes the lie, invents want."

♦ "...shall be both dog and pony."

♦ "...is a red-blooded American male!"

♦ "...thinks God's gift to bachelors is that the juiciest gazelle is the easiest to catch."

♦ "........ is tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacac."

♦ "..... slept like a baby last night.... Waking up every 3 hours crying for food."

♦ "Be a man who takes the lead as opposed to one who follows. The minute you walk into a room assume the leaders status and you will find girls flocking towards you. Instead of suggesting what you think you should be doing just say what you all should do."

♦ "If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."

♦ " Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

♦ " There's this weird thing at my work where people are putting names on food in the fridge. I just ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin. "

♦ "Don't you wonder why people look back at the same spot when they trip over it? As if the sidewalk is going to talk back or laugh at them."

Facebook is intoxicating and updating your status messages gives you a new high. So get lost in the dope of funny messages by letting loose your creativity.