Facebook decides to innocently call itself something that helps you connect and share with people in your life. Connect? Okay. Good enough. Share? Umm... Let's not go there at the moment. The facts that follow are about Facebook, gathered from all over the web.
Some of these facts include statistical details, which are obviously subject to change as we age. However, it is the interpretation of these facts that gives us some delightful insights on the very premise of the sensation that is social networking. Being the social wonder that it is, FB has thrown up some very interesting points for us to ponder upon.
Putting up these facts in flowcharts, graphs and diagrams would only be possible for the academically inclined. Those belonging to the academically challenged lot, like yours truly, have to resort to underhand methods like sneaking up on Facebook's brain. But sneak up I did, and I came across a huge pile of, what else but inscrutable computer babble.
Making sense of it involved taking some really massive creative liberties, so whatever you begin reading from here on requires a hearty sense of humor.
Since Facebook doesn't really allow itself to have a Facebook profile, here are 25 of the silliest things about FB.
25 Things About Me
- Though that botched up IPO attempt hurt me big time, I can easily count around 350 million active members, and I'm still counting.
- I've got a disorder named after me called... what else but Facebook Addiction Disorder.
- They say that I've been instrumental in bringing about a rise in the number of divorces/failed relationships.
- My humble presence is said to have increased the incidence of bad grades in school children.
- I'm selectively prudish. Breastfeeding mothers freak me out big time. But hey, I'm totally okay with eating disorder groups.
- China, Egypt, Iran, Syria and Vietnam hate me enough to have imposed a ban on me at some point.
- I don't believe in the word 'delete'. I love to store your valuable memories till I get you on your knees, begging me to destroy them.
- I simply love to make a mockery of the concept of Internet privacy.
- Policemen find me useful to track the lawless lot, so do potential employers and prospective boyfriends/girlfriends.
- I let people poke each other. A lot. Every now and then.
If only they knew what it means...
- I derive immense pleasure in preserving evidences of people's drunken mistakes. What you put on Facebook, stays put on Facebook.
- I moonlight as a stalking device for those who have been unceremoniously dumped.
- Speaking of which, I'm a phenomenally popular dumping ground as well.
- My list of fans was earlier restricted to the younger lot. These days they say I'm a big hit with the ladies aged 55 and older. These changing times!
- Heard about that contagious disease called 'tagging'? This is where it all started!
- Thanks to me, it is now possible for everyone to be friends with their elementary school teacher's third cousin's step-daughter's babysitter's pretty sister's pet iguana. Whoo-hoo!
- Remember that thick, fat line that separated what was appropriate from the inappropriate? As a part of my fair policies, I've made it a point not to discriminate between the two.
- Do you want to know which Jersey Shore character you resemble? Which Kardashian are you? Which piranha species you're most likely to belong to? Which Nicki Minaj hairdo are you? I reveal the answers to all of life's greatest mysteries right here!
- I love to snoop. Your private conversations, messages and chats help me bring in advertisers and enable me to make more money. Not for nothing that I used to be the Beacon of good fortunes.
- For the record - I do not have a sense of humor. And I hate everything that begins with 'lame' and ends with 'book'.
- My people share more than 25 billion pieces of information with me every month. Is it any surprise then that I'm like a second home to so many?
- People collectively spend approximately 3 billion minutes on me everyday.
- My obscure origins involve a lawsuit and an out-of-court settlement. Cheeky, I know.
- My employee hoodies fetch fat sums on eBay. Higher even, if it hasn't been washed. Oooh... Facebook employee perspiration...
- I really crave your Likes! Like me! Please, please Like me!