It is often said, that necessity is the mother of invention, when faced with the task of compiling your thoughts within 140 words, I guess the saying stands true to its words. When people learned, how to use twitter, the phenomenon spread like wildfire, it brought people from across the globe, closer to each other through simple text messages. People tweet their opinions which correspond with the thoughts of many others. Though it's the funny tweets that keep you ever so entertained. Coming up with something witty and hilarious can be quite the challenge.
- "I see people." - The Fifth Sense
- I have some serious ethical problems participating in human cloning experiments.. I just couldn't live with myself.
- Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
- Life would be easier if you could mark some people as spam.
- If guns kill people, then it's spoons that make people fat.
- So, this 'One Laptop Per Child' thing. Where do I drop off the child and where do I pick up the laptop?
- I'm being forced to attend a scrap-book party. On the positive side I have always wanted my suicide to be well documented on acid-free paper.
- Ignorance may be bliss, but knowing that you're smarter than somebody feels pretty good, too.
- Japan's new first lady says aliens once took her to Venus. I'm just amazed aliens also call it Venus. Boy, we nailed that one.
- Does the world really need another rhetorical question?
- My 9 year old son - "If I ever get Bieber fever, just let the fever kill me."
- My wife always finds a reason to hate every girl that I bring home.
- Ha. Fatherhood? Please. I rarely feel so manly as when I put together a piece of furniture and have no screws left over.
- When someone gets playfully thrown into a swimming pool on TV, all I can do is worry if they have their cell phone in their pocket.
- My ten year-old daughter is learning Chinese characters in school, so she can pick out a really good lower-back tattoo when she gets older.
- I'll accept the 'fat fingers' excuse for typos but if you fuck up your/you're I'm going to need to see a doctor's note explaining your IQ.
- If they give you a bib for lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food.
- If I had a nickel for every time I had sex, I would ask my pimp for a raise.
- "It behooves you." -Inventor of the horseshoe, explaining to a dubious horse.
- If you're new to Twitter from Facebook, you can just reply "Like" to all of my tweets. I'll understand.
- Not looking at my phone during dinner will be the most romantic gesture I will make today.
- The corner store started carrying Ben & Jerry's Creme Brulee ice cream so if anybody needs me I'll be fat.
- At the end of your life, you should get a rebate for however much time you spent learning cursive.
- "Thanks for nothing, Evolution." - Flightless Birds.
- Egypt needs a new president. I need a summer job. This could be perfect.