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Funny Facebook Quotes

When you want some humorous Facebook states messages, where do you turn for help? To the Internet, of course. And in your search for funny Facebook quotes, we can help you get some interesting quotes that will keep your friends rolling for a while...
Techspirited Staff
Last Updated: Feb 8, 2018
Facebook is one place where you can be whoever you wish to be. There are no restrictions (except the fact that you don't harass, badmouth someone else or use profanity). Anywhere you turn, people you meet, everybody is on Facebook nowadays. Whether it's an old high school friend, your family, close friends, colleagues, or even the next door neighbor whom you barely speak to, it's like the entire world has been taken up by the storm. And for those who are not on Facebook or have a Facebook profile, well, it's just really sad that they're missing out on a lot of fun. I remember the first time I went on Facebook. So much was happening at such an incredible speed that I didn't know where to begin. Every time I would logged in, there would be tons of updates.
A friend of mine told me to put a status message and the only thing I could think of was "... needs to get up and clean the room. So she's going to sit in front of the laptop till this feeling goes by." I was aiming for a cool message myself. But the comments from my friends suggested that it was one quite funny. Well, I won't argue with that and thought perhaps that's where I should begin. However, it can be difficult to come up with interesting quotes each day. So what do I do? Needless to say, I shamelessly went online and searched for some funny status updates. And here's what I found...
Wacky Quotes You Can Use as Your Status
If you're all out of funny, witty quotes and phrases, then perhaps the following quotes can inspire you. You can either use any of these or tweak some of these quotes and make them your own. The choice is yours.
  • ... has learned one thing since joining Facebook. I'm not nearly as messed up as I thought I was.
  • ... is experiencing life at a rate of several WTF's a minute.
  • ... is searching for the love of his life: can I get them through those mailing services?
  • ... is walking through the intensive care unit dressed as the grim reaper.
  • 5 things I can't stand... 1) Racists 2) Bad spellers 3) Math 4) Stoooopid people
  • Approximately 10 drinks ago I had a bunch of problems, but now I'm amazing and can sing really well!
  • A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing. A rabbit thought of doing the same thing on the ground. A wolf came and ate it. MORAL ~ to sit and do nothing, you need to be on the top.
  • A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing.
  • A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
  • A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
  • A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.
  • According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is, they're a bunch of liars.
  • After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'
  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • Everyone who likes me is awesome and brilliant, and everyone who doesn't, is a selfish jerk. Weird.
  • Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.
  • Facebook is the only place where it's acceptable to talk to a wall.
  • Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected.
  • God loves me even when I don't forward those chain letters.
  • Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
  • How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?
  • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  • I'm pretty sure the whole of "Ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check them out from behind.
  • I hate weddings. Old people would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, "You're next".
  • I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
  • I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be 'Nobody' so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say 'Nobody Likes This'.
  • I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
  • If life doesn't go Right... Then... go Left!!
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • If only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
  • If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don't eat it: It's probably poison.
  • If they would have had Facebook when I was in college, I would still be in college.
  • "Just kidding!" ~ Most popular lie in the world.
  • Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
  • Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!
  • Life is short to worry, Forget those who make you worry.
  • Longest Day Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ..... Comment ~ Must be. That's a whole lotta exclamation points.
  • Love is being stupid together.
  • Love is like a war: Easy to begin, Hard to end!
  • Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
  • Men are like coolers...load 'em with beer and you can take 'em anywhere!
  • Men get laid, but women get screwed.
  • Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
  • May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful.
  • Men only have two faults.... What they do, and what they say!
  • Once I loved until I could not breathe.
  • People say that love is in every corner......gosh! Maybe I'm moving in circles...
  • Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
  • Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece.
  • The bravest thing that men do is love women.
  • The sincerest love is the love of food.
  • There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy... like nailing a jelly to a tree for example.
  • They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
  • To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
  • Today is the last day of some of your life.
  • "Username or Password incorrect"... is it too much to ask WHICH ONE IS IT !!!
  • We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
  • When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
  • When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
  • When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
  • Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
  • Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
  • You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
  • You have 10 fish. 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have?..... Stop counting smart one. Fish can't Drown.
So... what'd you guys think? Do any of these quotes make it as your status message? Well, we have another list of quotes you can read. Go to the Techspirited article on funny Facebook status quotes for more information. Even you can try to come up with your own quotes to update on Facebook. All you need is to trust your killer instincts and tune in to your funnier side. Let's see what you get. See you on Facebook!